Well lets see, to add to my wonderful day I went to the gym. I danced at Zoomba and I ran for about three minutes( which is better then last month). I was pumped and I was ready to take the world. Then I had a crash and My mood went south before you knew it( and before I knew it). I went home and I made two sandwiches and placed three handful of lightly salted chips on my plate( which was like heaven). Then after eating my dinner I ate two Zingers( which was like I died and went to heaven). And to think I was willing to go back into the kitchen and stuff my face with more CHIPS! And to make it worse my mother told me the great news, she lost 10 whole pounds. And to think that I myself could have lost the same thing I stepped my big blubbery butt on the scale and was sadly giving my weight( 238 pounds from 240).
     Sometimes I totally feel like everything I am doing isn't doing anything. I work out and eat and eat and lay down, trying to muster the strength to get up on each commercial. In total my muscles won't move and I lay there looking at the television /computer and wish for a more perkier self. Of course when I tell my mom she thinks that I should look to the brighter side(which I really really don't want to). So I slither into the next room to bight my next victim who doesn't have a strong enough immune system to fight me off. And then I go to sleep thinking about my future and how I want to do the impossible and be adventures,but I turn around and relies I can't even workout much less eat right. I have to be told about a thousand times not to sneak Swiss cheese out of the fridge and eat it in the corner like some dog with rabies. I am beginning to think that all I am going to do is sit here and type to the air and work a 9-5 with three kids and a fuck for a husband. I am imposing the kids and the husband part of course, but it seemed like it went along with what I was talking about. Any way I am sitting her pouring my guts to you ( the air) and you don't even read this.
      Sometimes I feel like this is one big journal of disappointment for me to allow myself to vent to nothing but open SPACE! Like the stars are reading my blog in utter silence as I sit here fighting myself to just be more active and more up beat. And to think I was once a flower child who saw the world as one big happy family that do no harm to each other. Sadly after 17 years that is not so at all, (sigh) can you tell I am down? Sure you can't, you sit there reading my blog as your eyes cross and you turn to something else. Yeah I know what you mean HBO is much more entertaining then me. And for the record I am watching HBO as I and the dust speak. (sigh) I will stop and allow you to pull your eyes straight as I sit here and wallow in my pity watching Julie & Julia. Melka Kai Hai ( if I am saying it right, it means in Hindi - see you tomorrow) :)