Well I have to say for day one I am doing pretty damn good for myself. So let me tell you how my day got start and how I want to achieve my goals. First let me start off by saying that I had 1,600 calories today and and I had cheese ,french fries, and I had pasta as well. I ate three meals and had mostly water and fruits for snacks. Then I kicked ass on Zumba and I ran for about three minutes.
    I mean I feel really proud of myself I just feel like my goals are going to coming even soon then I think. I woke up and I had oat meal and then I had pasta for lunch and then I had grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries. Now mind you, this is all made from home and done under my roof in my kitchen. I didn't go outside and eat this stuff( NO WAY). Every meal was portioned and measured before eating( and I drank water to keep that calories under control). I even had a piece of chocolate before I went to the gym to start working out and I had chips after lunch. I mean I feel great and I feel super proud of myself, I feel like I can take the world with a can of beer in one hand and a magazine of got men in another.
      Now you may be thinking "why the F&*@ are so happy about this?" (no cursing for you mom). Well let me tell you I have achieved something, and it didn't feel like work doing it. I felt like it just came naturally and all I had to do was just follow my body and not my mind. This is wonderful, because it makes me feel like if I could do this well today then what can I do tomorrow or a year from now. I will reach my goal in no time and I am having fun doing it as well. I even had cravings for chocolate cupcakes and mac and cheese with potato wedges, but I had to walk away( because I wasn't about to pay for them). Also I want to say that I want to thank my sister because she totally helped me with this whole eating thing. I mean if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be sitting here so proud.
    Plus I also want to clear some stuff up about my goals and plans for this year with my weight. I want to loose weight and get to 185 and keep it at the weight. I don't want to keep loosing if it is not needed, I mean I want to look and feel like I am 140 but have a little weight. I also want to say that the food thing  was planned and that I ate the food that was in the house and used what I had. Plus to stop myself from wanting more food I changed my attitude and I thought more positive. Which for the record is a really big help when you try it for yourself. Now I am going to stop here and just think about my day and think about tomorrow so I can get my mind prepared for these goals again. BYE!

P.S I am splurging on the weekend if I do well this week, and every month then on will be one day I can splurge till it is none.
 

  Well lets see, to add to my wonderful day I went to the gym. I danced at Zoomba and I ran for about three minutes( which is better then last month). I was pumped and I was ready to take the world. Then I had a crash and My mood went south before you knew it( and before I knew it). I went home and I made two sandwiches and placed three handful of lightly salted chips on my plate( which was like heaven). Then after eating my dinner I ate two Zingers( which was like I died and went to heaven). And to think I was willing to go back into the kitchen and stuff my face with more CHIPS! And to make it worse my mother told me the great news, she lost 10 whole pounds. And to think that I myself could have lost the same thing I stepped my big blubbery butt on the scale and was sadly giving my weight( 238 pounds from 240).
     Sometimes I totally feel like everything I am doing isn't doing anything. I work out and eat and eat and lay down, trying to muster the strength to get up on each commercial. In total my muscles won't move and I lay there looking at the television /computer and wish for a more perkier self. Of course when I tell my mom she thinks that I should look to the brighter side(which I really really don't want to). So I slither into the next room to bight my next victim who doesn't have a strong enough immune system to fight me off. And then I go to sleep thinking about my future and how I want to do the impossible and be adventures,but I turn around and relies I can't even workout much less eat right. I have to be told about a thousand times not to sneak Swiss cheese out of the fridge and eat it in the corner like some dog with rabies. I am beginning to think that all I am going to do is sit here and type to the air and work a 9-5 with three kids and a fuck for a husband. I am imposing the kids and the husband part of course, but it seemed like it went along with what I was talking about. Any way I am sitting her pouring my guts to you ( the air) and you don't even read this.
      Sometimes I feel like this is one big journal of disappointment for me to allow myself to vent to nothing but open SPACE! Like the stars are reading my blog in utter silence as I sit here fighting myself to just be more active and more up beat. And to think I was once a flower child who saw the world as one big happy family that do no harm to each other. Sadly after 17 years that is not so at all, (sigh) can you tell I am down? Sure you can't, you sit there reading my blog as your eyes cross and you turn to something else. Yeah I know what you mean HBO is much more entertaining then me. And for the record I am watching HBO as I and the dust speak. (sigh) I will stop and allow you to pull your eyes straight as I sit here and wallow in my pity watching Julie & Julia. Melka Kai Hai ( if I am saying it right, it means in Hindi - see you tomorrow) :)